What in the World Do I Do with My Flaws?

Flaws – we all have them. We recognize some of our flaws, while others just remain unnoticed. Well, unless, you are lucky to have kids or a spouse point them out to you. The funny part is that they do it for free; we don’t even have to pay them for their generous and sometimes not-really-wanted services.

A flaw can be considered a fault or weakness in a person’s character; it is an undesirable quality in a person. We know these as imperfections, limitations, deficiencies, phobias, or problems that affect the way others perceive us.

A list of flaws could include physical and behavioral. Here are some examples:

• Too tall, too short
• Hair colics, scars, warts
• Laugh lines, dimples (how can these be flaws – they are so cute!)
• Poor hygiene, crooked teeth or nose, uneven pierced ears
• Procrastination, giving up, negative talk
• Works excessively and neglects relationships
• Belittles others, breaks promises
• Talks too much, never talks
• Making hasty decisions, indecisive
• Saying “um” repeatedly in a conversation or speech
• Daydreaming and not paying attention
• Not admitting flaws

Let’s dive in deeper to this topic of human flaws. I’m the kind of person who looks up any physical ailment or health condition on particular websites: Mayo Clinic and WebMD. There is a short but quite helpful article on WebMD about flaws. It talks about how to accept our flaws instead of being focused on changing them.

First, why do we make effort to change the flaws we have? For self improvement, to get better at something, to look better, to feel better. What is this crazy word “better” mean anyway?! Psychotherapist Dorothy Martin-Neville, Ph.D., said in the WebMD article that we only need to change our perspective. Stop the madness of “fixing” ourselves to get “better”. Dr. Martin-Neville suggests three ways to ACCEPT our little flaws.

1. BE KIND TO YOURSELF. Dr. Martin-Neville says, “You are not broken, so give yourself a break. Stop fixing yourself.” The desire to make personal changes is healthy, but not with the attitude of “fixing”.
2. FOCUS ON FORGIVENESS. If it’s a personality flaw that can be controlled like pointing or snapping at people or interrupting, yes, Dr. Jennifer Howard, PhD., author of Ultimate Life Plan, suggests softening or stopping the habit/flaw. If it is a physical flaw like not being tall enough, then begin to accept who you are. Forgive those who pointed out this trait in unkind ways in your past, and even forgive yourself. In my own words, “You are beautiful (handsome) just the way God made you.”
3. LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF. “A sense of humor is a great tool in looking at the fact that we are all simply human, and that we are flawed and in process,” says Dr. Martin-Neville. She encourages people to not take themselves too seriously; this is a big step in the right direction. Accepting our flaws and craziness through laughter keeps us in check and in control; don’t let the flaws control us.

I like to look at flaws like scars. A scar changes the texture and look of skin, while using a scar cream can diminish the scar coloring. Scars are sometimes obvious and sometimes hidden. We may be embarrassed or annoyed by their existence. It serves no purpose to sit around all day long wishing we didn’t do what we did to get the scar, whether it was our own negligence or just an accident. This leaves us with two choices: accept the scar – it’s part of our life story, or use a scar cream to help it fade (I guess there may be surgical procedures to eliminate the look of a scar, also).

Character flaws are just the physical ones. Some are obvious and some hidden. They may be challenging, annoying, or embarrassing. For whatever reason, these flaws are also part of our life story. But, take heart, for I submit to you the idea of exchanging internal stress and turmoil with humility and peace. We may as well acknowledge our flaws and could even ask our closest confidant to help us identify a couple areas we may not see that can be improved.

For many people, this may seem like an unimpressive idea, because they think it will take hard work, seem impossible, or even cost money. Yes, change takes effort. Tiny changes produce long-term results, though.

“When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that last blow that did it—but all that had gone before.”
― James Clear, Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

Instead of planning out a huge list of what we can do to change a personal flaw, let’s evaluate if it is one that is worthy of change or one that is worthy of acceptance. Either way, embrace the wonderful person you are in all the flaws, bows, and ribbons; you are a gift God created. And the best gift we can give to others is accepting, encouraging, and loving them for who they are. We are so very imperfect and don’t always do this; we mess up and say the wrong things. That is why forgiveness is so powerful.