The Game of Life as a Mom: Three Levels
Recently, I traveled on a trip with my senior mother and adult daughter. Three generations of strong women who have endured varying hardships but stayed steadfast with faith and hope in God’s promises. How incredible to learn and be encouraged by different generations, the perspective of women decades apart in age.
The trip: the Hawaiian island of Maui, a place my mother lived as a travel nurse 16 years ago. I recall it being one of the happiest times in her life since becoming a widow 37 years ago at the young age of 41, left to raise two children as a single mother.
Following my own advice in the book I wrote, Hope Follows, we took on a Carpe Omni opportunity. Seize it all! My mother’s dream for years had been to return to Maui with my daughter, Maggie, and myself.
You can imagine how my heart filled watching Maggie hold her grandmother’s fragile hand as they walked. Many people don’t consider how hard it is to grow old as a senior – physically, mentally, socially, and emotionally. What a treasure for all seniors who have a Maggie in their lives. Her field of study is Social Work and Geriatrics. She has a tender, kind, and patient way with seniors.
The trip reminded me of some phases or levels of “motherhood” in my life.
LEVEL 1: I am a child. My mom was a hard working nurse when I was young, working the midnight shift. I recall the notes I left for her with questions and eager to read her answers in the morning.
Mom was the classroom mother on a whole new level. She invited my classes over to our house for field trips, a short walk from school! In the winter, we played in the snow and enjoyed hot chocolate. A spring walk was met with lemonade and playing in our backyard by the lake.
A memorable act of love from my mom happened to also be a tad bit embarrassing. I was in first grade and after working a midnight shift, Mom accidentally slept in and didn’t bring my Halloween costume to school for the parade as she planned. I was crushed! As only a mom would respond, she secretly searched for a way to make it up. One week later for my birthday, Cookie Monster AND Big Bird showed up in my classroom passing out my favorite chocolate chip cookies. I remember hiding under my desk laughing hysterically but loving every minute.
May you take a moment to reflect on some favorite childhood memories that bring a smile to your face.
LEVEL 2: I am a mom. As a mom of four terrific and adorable children, I captured all the milestones and special memories on camera and in journals. We played with toys, made Play-Dough objects, swam and rode bikes. Library book contests, summer movies, Vacation Bible School, and puppet shows were a few of our many traditions.
Not knowing a thing about raising a child, I did what most new moms did and bought the book, What to Expect the First Year, by Heidi Murkoff. It’s a mighty good thing she wrote the next one, What to Expect the Second Year, because I still didn’t feel like a pro. Somehow in the third year, I became a master and didn’t need any more of her books. Well, the truth is that I became too busy to read those big books and did a lot of trial and err, and prayer.
Trading my work career for full time mom was a big change, but one that I cherished. Being the team and class mom were part of my DNA. Celebrating every achievement and birthday was a joy I looked forward to planning. Opening our home to our children’s friends made me so happy.
If you’re a parent, take a moment to wander down your own happy memory lane.
LEVEL 3: I care for my senior mother. This is new and even more difficult to understand and navigate. Taking care of your aging parent can be a demanding, tireless task; but, it is one that brings honor and respect. When my mother began to age more rapidly, I found myself being impatient and easily annoyed with things she did or said.
As I began to learn more about seniors and join care support groups, my selfish thinking switched. That is when I began to fully understand the aging process of the brain. I was clueless, and my ignorance quickly turned to compassion. I count it an honor to care of her whenever and however I can.
She is sweet, tender, simple. Her needs are not complicated. She endured more difficult times than one woman should ever have to face alone. I constantly ask myself, “How can I help Mom have the best life in her senior years?” Living thousands of miles away, I bring her to my home for long visits. We go to doctor appointments, walk in the neighborhood, do word searches, and eat her favorite foods at exact mealtimes.
Her laugh is what I hold close in my heart. At age 78, she adores seeing her grandchildren and listening to music from Maui. This makes me think that really all that matters in life towards the end of our time on earth is the people we call family and the experiences that blessed our hearts.
As a child of a senior parent, how are you shifting your mindset? Sometimes, it may feel hard to help them due to difficult times in your childhood. But in the end, if they want you to you sit with them and talk about the pretty birds and flowers outside, grab a seat. That moment won’t last forever.
