The E.N. is on the Horizon

Picture it. A family of birds in their cozy nest. Momma is gathering worms for dinner, while Papa is gathering lint and twigs to strengthen the nest foundation. Baby bird is snuggling with Momma in between his wing exercises in preparation for first flight.

I love birds. My grandpa, Henry Toellner, fondly known as Hank, had a beautiful bird house outside the kitchen window to watch them gather and eat bird seed. Blue jays, robins, and cardinals were among our favorites to watch.

Their colors and movements are so majestic. Just recently, our family was in Kentucky, and we saw a gorgeous red cardinal outside the window. OH, that made my day! The coolest part about this was that we were staying in a vacation rental house that was 100 years old. It reminded me of my grandparents’ home in Indiana. Both homes of white exterior color and similar old doorknobs that brought a smile to my face, thinking of Grandpa working in his garage and Grandma baking cookies in the kitchen.

All this bird “re-interest” in my life started with Kurt discovering a new passion. Hummingbirds! Seriously, he bought a feeder and tends to it regularly. He loves watching them come to get a taste of the carefully prepared sweet water.

But, let’s be real. I also have a renewed interest in birds, because my baby bird is flying out of the nest in about 50 days. Deep breaths. Stomach hurts. Eyes water. Heart pounds. Worry creeps in. That is what it feels like to approach the “E.N. – Empty Nest” stage of life, so I’m finding.

Questions to ponder:

• Who am I with no children to care for and boss around?!
• What will I do with my time usually spent in cleaning up after Evan?
• Where do I go to watch someone play “Minecraft” or the MLB Game “The Show”?
• When do I start a support group for us moms missing our kiddos?
• How can I do “Treat Thursday” without my treat buddy?
• Why does the baby bird have to leave the nest anyway?

Some of these thoughts sound silly, but those are things I’ll miss. Our feelings when the baby of our family leaves to venture into their exciting new season of post-high school life are real and valid. In my usual fashion in preparing for a new season, I study the daylights out of it.  I read so many books on being a new mom, and this feels no different. I am entering unchartered waters. New, unfamiliar, uneasy territory.

So much of me is also eager to see what my “next” will include with my passions and pursuits. For me, to do a study on the empty nest will help me prepare for the day that seemed so far away ~ many years ago.

Let’s take a look at birds and the amazing design by God that we compare “empty nest” with.

• Nestling – a bird that is too young to leave its nest.
• Fledging – the stage in a bird’s life between hatching or birth and becoming capable of flight.

In an article in Forbes Magazine, dated June 25, 2018, there are some interesting things to note: “When nestlings leave the nest too early, they fly poorly, or not at all, because their wings are small and underdeveloped. Fledging too early is usually a fatal decision: it is in a nestling’s best interests to remain in its nest for as long as possible to allow its wings the time necessary to develop more fully.”

I breathe a sigh of relief. I don’t need to worry about Evan. He is equipped, developed, and prepared to be on his own. We moms need to remember that we have trained up our children for this very moment. It’s time to trust ourselves. Trust God.

Just like the baby bird about to leave its nest, the time is right for Evan to leave. He has been in the nest for as long as needed to send him on his way. All this is quite reassuring, but it’s still hard. I wonder what are some ways to cope with this “empty nest syndrome”?

In an article by the Mayo Clinic, in April 14, 2020, there were some great suggestions for taking action to take on this new season and not be sorrowful. Here are the ideas:

1. Accept the timing. Avoid comparing your child’s timetable to your own experience or expectations. Instead, focus on what you can do to help your child succeed when he or she does leave home.
2. Keep in touch. You can continue to be close to your children even when you live apart. Make an effort to maintain regular contact through visits, phone calls, emails, texts or video chats.
3. Seek support. Share your feelings with loved ones and friends whose children have recently left home. If you feel depressed, consult your doctor or a mental health provider.
4. Stay positive. Thinking about the extra time and energy you might have to devote to your marriage or personal interests after your last child leaves home might help you adapt to this major life change.

Personally, I have begun the process of seeking support and staying positive through a Bible study plan for “empty nesters”, new traditions and fun adventures. A family friend of ours will also be sending off their youngest child to college, and we plan to have a weekly dinner out. Also, I’ll be pouring more time into helping my senior momma who lives in Indiana. And just as I celebrated my 50^th birthday all year long, don’t we deserve a special reward for raising our kids to the point where they leave home?!  I guess it’s time for a trip to Costa Rica or somewhere tropical. Pack your bags, Kurt, I am booking it!

Are you dealing with empty nest syndrome? Do you have a friend or family who is? Or maybe there is something in your life that is different now and a little unsettling? 

Whatever it is, trust the one who gives us life. He wants us to have a life of abundance, even in the transitional times. May we use these moments in our lives to springboard us into being people who stretch but don’t break. God has us.

Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Fun Idea: Go outside and watch some birds interact, work and play. They are amazing creatures! You can tell by all the bird pictures that I’m really into them right now. I think I’ll pull out my binoculars and watch those birds building a nest in our palm tree. Goal: keep Darla our dog away from them!