Start again….and again…and…

“Start Again”….a song by Rob Simonsen & Faux Fix Ft. Elena Tonra, played in the movie “The Age of Adeline.”  I just went to see the movie after my 15 year old daughter told me it was now one of her favorite movies.  First of all, how did my “Maggie girl” ever get this old…I can still picture her in the little pink sequence dress with her tiny heels flapping around the house..as a 5 year old!!)  Click clack..click clack…holding her little Disney purse and that adorable, messy head of curls.  Well, the movie was indeed a good one, but not without tears.  What a remarkable story and incredible casting.  The lowdown – Adeline has an accident involvling a car and lightning storm/sky combo, which causes her to not age…ever!  So, she “starts her identity AGAIN” about every 10 years. 
     As a mom, I can’t begin to count the number of times I have wanted to “start again” as a parent.  It seems to be when my children won’t listen to me and repeatedly run late in the mornings, or make a mistake that could have been avoided like doing poorly on a quiz that an heir of mine did not even study for, yet had tons of free time.  Hmmm…seems simple to me – review material = know material = do well on quiz.  IN these moments and many others that frustrate parents, we may respond with a sudden loss of patience and self-control with our mind and words.  Anyone relate?!   Like an out of body experience, sometimes!!  I think back at those moments and wonder, why did I say that…maybe it was too harsh or just didn’t even make any sense!! (I’m just being real here!)  Thank goodness for second chances, grace and hugs and kisses after such moments!
     My sis, Tammy, I will often refer to for many reasons.  But the main reason being that her loss runs so deep that I think of her constantly…and the lessons in life I learned from her and the committed, unconditional love she gave. My grief over her being gone still aches so deeply, though I have made such big steps with this newly, uninvited journey of grief. Well, whenever I had a problem, I would call Tam.  She always had the best advice, and later in the day I would find an email with a lengthy attachment of research she found for my “problem”, and how the Bible suggests handling it.  She had such wisdom. I treasure those emails.  And we laughed so hard, because Tammy didn’t have children; and she would joke “How do I know anything about parenting when I don’t even have a kid!?”   
    Well, you know what?  I listened to her advice.  And she always was so spot on!!  Something about being an outsider lookin’ in seemed to help.   I learned from Tammy that I can always “start again” by just putting some one on one time into my children.  Spend time with them instead of worrying about how to fix them.
     And you know what else?  I miss Tammy’s advice a lot.  In this stage of my life without the constant influence and wisdom and love of my oldest sister, I am learning to “start again”…that I can start to have joy and fun again.  So, all this story just to say….never quit …never give up… never get so down on yourself or someone else for making a mistake… never think something cannot  be fixed, especially a relationship.  God is the best “repair man” of any life issue or wrongdoing!
     I always tell my children, “We don’t expect perfection, but just your best.”  Then, again, even when they don’t do their best and mess up, my job is to help, guide, and train them, ready to offer a second chance, a “re-do”, or “start again”.  I am so grateful that people offer me grace when I make a mistake.  We all need “start agains.”  And, God, he is the best “grace giver” ever, to still love us and desire our love back –  even as fallen, sinful people.

Psalm 51:1 (The Message version)
Generous in love—God, give grace!
    Huge in mercy—wipe out my bad record.  Scrub away my guilt,
    soak out my sins in your laundry.